The Invisible Boundary

Me and My Psychotherapy

The Invisible Boundary

Client: (sends message)Things have improved between me and my wife after these few sessions. She is behaving quite nicely with my parents. However we are not yet fully on talking terms. Ma'am can I meet you separately, without my wife, and tell you more?

Therapist: I understand your concern, but I need to maintain confidentiality. Since these are couple sessions it is not ethical for us to communicate without her consent. So let us talk in the session together with her.

During the above conversation; initially it looks very simple to deal with a couple and to help them let them know what they feel about each other. However what if the therapist reveals ‘everything’ to the husband about what the wife feels for him. Will the therapy process work? Will the wife trust the therapist in the further therapy process? And what if only the wife has come in for individual therapy and the husband wants to know ‘everything’ she has shared with the therapist? Likewise there are many tricky moments in psychotherapy where trust can take a toll.

As the bond grows between the client and the therapist; risk of crossing the ethical boundary pops up. These challenges are not only with couple counseling but in other areas too. For example; recently a client wanted to know if the therapist is married or not so that they can judge the therapist’s understanding about marital problems. Few clients may want to know a therapist's age so that they can judge his/ her understanding of overall problems or life.

However after a few years of practice what really matters to be a good therapist is updated knowledge, understanding of emotions and skill set related for psychotherapy.

Interestingly, What makes a client feel curious about the therapist?

Imagine you meet a person who is warm, really listens to you and you feel like having a strong bond with him/ her; it is natural to feel interested in his/ her life. Similarly when the bond between the client and the therapist strengthens; the client might feel like getting to know the therapist more personally. There can be many known or unknown reasons to it, e.g. it may reassure the client that the therapist may have faced similar issues hence the therapist understands better etc. They might try to get attached to the therapist unknowingly by asking personal questions, inviting the therapist for their family functions or may ask to meet informally.

However a sound therapist will avoid all these efforts which may lead to a breach of professionalism. If this bond becomes personal; the process may sacrifice significantly on non judgmental attitude and genuineness. It may lead to trust issues gradually. Furthermore, there is no scope for objectivity; the therapist may feel the same emotion or conflict which the client is facing and will not be further able to help them.

This is another parameter to keep in mind while choosing a therapist and understanding the process. A good therapist will be well qualified, will not give advice and will strictly maintain professionalism. The therapist will be always honest with you about these ethics.

Hope these few indicators will help you all to choose the best for you. Do not forget to write your feedback and questions in the comment section!

Mrs. Purva Joshi

Consultant Psychologist

Vidula Psychological Consultancy, Pune

9067002242